My children are not a pack. I need reminding of this daily. When you have lots of little children all in a row it can be easy to think of them as a group. But really they are individual people all with different, unique, and complex personalities. They have different individual needs as well as the same basic needs of food, love, care, shelter and clean clothing.
Spending one one one time with my children is a constant struggle. I need to work hard at this and be intentional about how I handle it. They all talk to me at the same time and I turn this way and that trying to work out who to give attention to first. The children love their siblings though. Never have I thought things would be better if we didn’t have any one of our children. They each play a special part in our family and in our lives. They all love their brothers and sisters and it brings me joy to see them playing with and enjoying each others company. None of my children hold any resentment to each other. They are happy playmates. Sure they fight too – but that is just life!
It is my hearts desire that my children have a happy childhood where they look back and cherished the way their mum showed them love and attention. I have a few traditions and ways that I have set in place in our home to ensure they get the attention they need.
I spend time everyday in prayer pouring out my heart to the Lord for him to reveal to me any of my children’s needs that have been overlooked.
This has been something that I haven’t always been consistent at but when all the children were very little I would do a reading time where I told everyone to choose a storybook. I would read a book to them one at a time. All the children would gather around close to listen, however, I made a point to let only the person who’s turn it was to sit in my lap. I included the baby in this too and it was lots of fun!
Bed time tuck ins.
This has been something that I have started this year. I am so tired and drained in the evening (sometimes I am just plain in a stinky mood and really need some space!) and the last thing I feel like doing is just one more thing with the children. Luke usually gets all the children’s teeth brushed and PJs on and does a Bible story app on his phone with them at bedtime. I used to just say good night to them from my comfy chair in the lounge but we noticed that the children often didn’t settle well and got out of their beds way too many times. I knew I had to change this habit and go into their rooms for one last time with mum. They just needed their mum and I had to push myself.
I now go in and spend a few minutes with each child snuggling with them on their beds. I try to open up conversation to see if there is anything on their hearts. I ask questions like “what was the best thing that happened today?” and “is there anything bad that happened today?” I make sure I end our little time with a prayer of blessing.
I make sure I speak positive words over them at this time of day and thank the Lord out loud for how smart, kind, and wonderful each child is. It gives us a chance to right any wrongs that have happened during the day. Sometimes I have even apologised for snapping at them or being in a grumpy mood. We end our time with lots of snuggles and kisses. All my children have responded so well to this special time. I’m sorry I didn’t begin it sooner! It took the Lord to give me a bit of a kick up the be-hind to get me out of my comfy chair! 🙂
The days with my children can seem so busy as we rush from one activity to the next and I don’t want anyone to get lost in the rush. Spending a few minutes with each child at the end of the day is a great way to catch up on any feelings that have been pushed aside and need expressing. My eldest child is eight so we only talk for a few minutes but I’ve been warned by mothers of teenagers that these nightly conversations may go until past midnight! I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!
Mum and son/daughter dates.
Over the years I made made a point of allowing one of the children to come with me on my big fortnightly grocery shopping trip. The special ‘star of the day’ got to help me choose lots of grocery items that they like the best and during our time away we would have a special lunch out together and I would spoil them with treats like a doughnut and juice maybe even a book or a small toy. Even a big Wendy’s ice cream all to themselves! I would treat them to all the things that I would usually say no to when we have all the children together because it’s just too expensive to buy five of everything all the time. I let them do the coin spinner and have a go on the ride outside the shop. We have a blast together!
In the last year or so I have been more intentional about these dates and they have become a tradition. Once a week, when Luke is home to care of the other children I take one of the children out at a time. Often instead of taking them grocery shopping we go out for about an hour to where ever they choose. My six year old son loves this one cafe we have in our town that has a little play area. I buy him anything off the menu he likes and he smiles from ear to ear eating his big ice cream and sitting just with mum. It makes me smile right now as I write this just thinking about the delight in his face!
I’m sure the ways I spend one on one time with my children will change and adapt over the years as my children grow older but these traditions are working well right now.
How do other parents spend one on one time with their children?
I’m open to more ideas!
6 thoughts on “How I Handle One On One Time With Each Of My Five Children.”
This is great advice. I have three children and it’s difficult to fit that one on one time in. Especially in between everyone’s hobbies and school and work. Appreciate you sharing the advice.
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I know what you mean, it has been harder to fit in one on one time since we sent three of our children to school this year. It’s something that is always on my mind.
We have done several of these! Especially the dates. I LOVE that one on one time with my kids. They are a different person without their siblings.
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I know what you mean my children are way different on their own than with their siblings too!
This is just beautiful! I relate to all of the struggles you’ve mentioned — the kids talking all at once, so many needs, the temptation to see them as a pack. Have you read Rachel Jankovich’s “Loving the Little Years”? She talks about this and it really changed my perspective. I’m hearing some of that wisdom echoed here. Well done on choosing the better (though not easier) portion 🙂
One little idea that I’m looking forward to implementing in the years to come is to have a journal to pass back and forth with notes between mum and that particular child. When it’s in your hands, you can write in it and leave it on their bed and vice versa. I think it might be a nice way to encourage a child that doesn’t like to talk out loud (I have one of these).
We have success with slightly staggered bed-times. While we do try to get everyone in bed without too much fuss, having the two older kids stay up later in 15 minute increments allows us to read a book that’s more on their level or fit in a quick game of checkers etc. Sometimes we are just too tired 🙂 I really like your grocery store idea – that’s a good one.
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Thanks for your comment! I love the journal idea! It’s true that our deepest thoughts and feelings can often come out better in writing than in talking. I’d love to try this! I do have the loving the little years book – was a great read! I read it such a long time ago that I might need a refresher. – Peta.